- About to close another project order for a 60 manday local client

- About to close another PO for a 5 manday change request for nokia

- Currently working with Liferay portal... building custom ESS portlets

- Preparing for a demo for another local client. Obviously I am not doing any more coding work. Instead, I am slavedriving my team to deliver. This job sucks!

- Finished evaluating my team for the annual salary review.

- Scheduled myself for driving classes on weekends... yup... finally I've convinced myself that I need to learn how to drive

- Busy commuting almost everyday because HH bumped the hilux last week and the car is still undergoing repairs

- Eating dinner alone and spending more time alone after office hours because HH just started working in a Pilot's lounge so he can't fetch me everyday. Grrrr.

- Cigarette intake went a notch higher. For the past weeks, 1.5packs/week average.

- Applied for an SSS ID and student driver's license. Been working for over 6years and this is the only time I applied for an SSS ID. hehe.

- Bought pops a father's day gift which he actually asked from me. It's a new basketball rubbershoes. At the age of 51, he still plays basketball. He runs that 26meters court back and forth. Amazing!

- More busy days ahead...

For the past months I've been keeping a close watch on the three TV series' episodes each week. I would wake up in the wee hours just to start downloading the torrents of my favorite series, just a few hours after it was shown in U.S. television. Last Friday, the season finale of Smallville season 6 was aired. By Saturday evening, I was already watching it. Last Sunday, the season finale of Desperate Housewives season 3 was aired in the US. By Monday evening, I was already watching it. Last Monday, the season finale of Heroes season 1 was aired. Yesterday afternoon, I was already watching it. I'm so addicted to watching them. In-between downloads, I've been watching House MD seasons 1 and 2, CSI seasons 4-6 and Friends seasons 4-6. So now what's next?

I am not sure if I am the only psychotic one who gets to have a crush in friendster. No, I don't know the guy personally and not even an acquaintance. He just looks like someone I know and i had a past with so he instantly became my crush. haha. Anway, about this crush, I've been stalking him on friendster and been reading his gf's blog. (Psychotic talaga ako!) Guess what I've found out awhile ago?!? Hiwalay na sila! Haha. OMG, I'm so bad! I'm not happy for how they ended up but I can't feel sad for them because I don't even know them so what the heck, crush ko yon so I wouldn't be a hypocrite.

I excercised my right to vote yesterday. Me and my sister went to vote while the rest of our family went out with my cousin's company outing to Subic yesterday. I didn't join them because I knew I will be very tired from the trip and I can't afford to be out of the office today. Have a couple of meetings that I need to attend and some urgent matters to settle. Anyway, I spent mother's day with my family last Sunday so I guess that's my excuse for not coming with them yesterday to the beach. Besides the fact that I don't really like getting too much tan and endure the excruciating heat of the summer sun. I'm just glad to have spent mother's day in manila with my mom after 3years of not being here during this occasion.

Last weekend was also my company outing that I boycotted for a couple of reasons which I am not sure if they're valid. Somehow, I just lost that passion to be that great employee who would always put her job first before anything else. Don't get me wrong. I still work my ass off but I think I am starting to be unhappy with this job. It's different when you enjoy your job and you work hard. For the last how many years, my circle of friends consisted mainly by the people who I work with. Since most of them have left the company, I haven't really gotten close to any new officemates and it sucks especially now that I don't want to risk getting close to the people I mentor. After the incident with one of my teammates, I realized, I should draw that line between being a boss and a friend and the only way I can think of doing it is to just treat them professionally. No more emotions. No wonder bosses take their lunches alone. =(

The good thing about being depressed about work is that I try to find alternative ways to have fun. I went out with my college buddies last Friday. It's been 2 years since I saw them and a lot has changed. A couple from my college barkada is getting married next year. This couple still blame me why they came together. If not for my teasing daw back in college, they wouldn't end up with each other. Awww! It was nice seeing them again.

Remember the song of savage garden, Affirmation?

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love 'til you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

Sometimes we are forced to do things that we don't really want to do. Sometimes it's not a question of whether we will do it or not but rather a question of when we will do it. I was once again faced in a situation where my loyalty to the company was put to test. As a leader, my credibility and capability to protect the company above my personal gain was at stake. I feel bad for what I've said and done. I hate my boss for putting me in an uncomfortable situation that I couldn't escape without hurting somebody. I am not proud of it.

I was bored awhile ago so I started to tinker some of my old pictures. I thought maybe I could change my blog header image and replace it with my picture. And so, here is the product of boredom... TADDAAA! I loved the old color scheme so I kept it. Hence, a semi-new theme for blueginger.

What's worse than making that difficult decision was the fact that I had to relay that bad news to the person concerned. I've had stage fright. I've stuttered while saying my lines in a play. But nothing compared to what happened to me awhile ago while inside our HR's office with my team member and HR manager. I froze! As in! I wanted to explain my side for coming up with such decision but I just froze. HR manager did all the talking. Hayyyy....

I was right... he didn't see it coming. I just wish for him and his family to be able to survive this crisis.

Finally, here is the email I sent to boss to justify my increase. Warning: BS stuff found below. Of course I had to kiss his ass because I deserve that increase!

During the first 3years that I have been in your company, I never failed to get a merit increase twice a year. It was only during my 4th year that I did not get an increase. Not that I did not perform well the past year, but I guess there were other reasons. I have informed my immediate superior many times about that increase but I still failed to get it.

Modesty aside, I think I deserve a raise because of the following reasons…

1. After Jaime, I am your only consultant who is capable and knowledgeable to support ALL nokia projects written in java.

2. I am your only consultant in manila who knows netweaver which makes me Harald's peon whenever he needs something.

3. Here is a list of the projects that I headed and were delivered to Nokia within budget, within scope and on time:

* list of projects here!

These projects roughly amounted to around 280,000euros (that's about 17.9M pesos) during the past year.

4. I have taken on more responsibility than just being a technical consultant. There were several projects that I was performing PM, architect, developer, QA and account manager roles.

5. All the projects that I have managed were delivered on time or the delay was not caused by us.

6. As far as I know, client never complained about my performance as an external consultant. I could be wrong but that's just as far as I know.

After I have turned down that tempting offer from another company last year, I swore I will not entertain other offers for as long as I am happy with my job. There's something about consulting and this company that made me stay here this long. I read in one article that IT consulting life is not for everyone. It is a difficult life to adjust to and it's something that you really have to want. In spite of that, I still honestly enjoy this job.

I may be your bratty consultant but I know I am one of the few who will always take an extra mile in accomplishing the tasks given to me. I think 2006 was the most tiring and busiest year for me so far. After Jaime left, it was difficult to fill-in his shoes technically but I guess with my performance the past year, I wasn't so bad at all.

I just have to let this feeling out...

We have a company policy of a 30days notice for resignation. This is to give ample time for the company to find a qualified replacement for whoever is leaving and perform proper turnover. However, there are cases that some consultants are asked not to complete this one month notice for special reasons.

Last thursday, big boss spoke to me about one of my team members who just recently resigned. He is worried about protecting our company because this team member decided to join a competitor. Thus, he asked me for a possibility to let this team member leave soon. As in right about end of next week. Of course, my initial reaction was to disagree with him because knowing that this team member is a breadwinner of his family and having no income until he starts his other job could mean financial difficulties to his family. After many hours of talking to my team lead and her trying to convince me that it's a difficult decision but eitherway should be done, I had to let this team member go. I emailed big boss and told him about my suggestions to make this "firing" a bit more bearable for this employee, he replied, "I appreciate your ownership of this difficult and matured decision". Whoa! Matured decision! I tell you, this is one of the most difficult decisions I've done for somebody else. I still feel so guilty. If it was a decision for myself and I was the one to suffer after this decision, it could have been easier. However, knowing that there might be a possibility that one family could be in such a difficult situation because of this decision, I feel so bad about it. Hayyy...

I told you, I am never really good in letting go.

Yesterday was my 4th anniversary working in this company. Wow! Four years! Yesterday, officially I'm the most senior consultant (in terms of length of service) in this company after the owner of course!

For the past 2weeks, my team has been working on a portal prototype for a presentation to Nokia. It consists of the best of breed of Java frameworks bolted into a genius architecture. As I've mentioned in my previous post, I am a struggling boss after Roldz left. All these hardwork paid off after hearing Nokia's good comments on our presentation. Good job team!

Spoke to big boss about my salary. He said I still have to send him that email justifying my raise. Hayyyy...

I wish my Team Lead comes back from maternity leave real soon because I don't know for how long I can still hold this position without losing my sanity.

May 1, Labor Day is supposedly a holiday but my whole day was spent working in front of the computer. Uncle Ben once said to Peter Parker, "With great power comes great responsibility", I couldn't agree more. These are the times that I just hate my job. Is this position a blessing? Or a curse?

Repeat after me... i love my job. i love my job. i love my job.

woosaa...