Friday, February 29, 2008

Leap Day

It's February 29 today... wala lang. This is one of those walang kwenta posts. =)

Monday, February 25, 2008

Apartment Hunt

Busy weekend again doing my apartment hunt. My lease will end at the end of March and I have decided to move to a cheaper and smaller apartment as suggested by my boss so I can afford to buy Kimi. Kimi is the name of the car that boss lent me and he's selling it to me. For the love of Kimi, I am moving to a smaller apartment so I can have it. A Lexus isn't so bad for a first car isn't it? My friends actually tell me that it's a very expensive second-hand car and it's a very extravagant car for a first time car owner. Oh well, my boss spoiled me too much and got me used to driving a luxury car so what can I do?! Keep me spoiled rotten. Hehe.

Anyway, I've seen two apartments so far and I like the one I saw yesterday. It's a 1BR furnished condo in a gated complex that has swimming pools, jacuzzi's, sauna, gym and mini theater. It's like a resort complex and I love it. Hmmm... I got to have that condo!

Now... have to go back to work.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

One Missed Flight

If my Schengen visa isn't expired, I would have been back in Helsinki next week! Argh! Some powerful force must be praying that I get stuck here in Arizona for a long time that's why this Nokia opportunity came in late. Hayyy... Kala ko pa naman I can breathe Helsinki air again. Oh well...

Bosses are cooking something up for Nokia. I hope they find us a new project there because I am seriously getting bored with my work here in Phoenix. Keeping my fingers crossed!

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

So what were we?

FLING
(from www.m-w.com)
Main Entry: 2fling
Function: noun
Date: 1556

1: an act or instance of flinging
2a: a casual try or involvement b: a casual or brief love affair
3: a period devoted to self-indulgence


(from www.urbandictionary.com)
1. fling
deliberately short-term sexual relationship between two people. Longer than a one-night stand, not as serious-sounding as "affair", more frankly physical than the discreet or twee "dalliance", the word has the associations of a much-needed sexual relief from stress, worry or hangups. No deep personal involvement required, just the sex and a bit of attention.


I guess this is the more politically correct term for my pseudo relationship with the friend. Sometimes I just wonder if we will ever have the closure that I wanted. It's so difficult to be "a friend" to someone I know I want to be more than friends with and unfortunately, the feeling isn't mutual.

Yesterday I was in LA/Pomona/West Covina area. I tried to contact him if he's interested in meeting up with us (marc and I) but he did not answer my call nor did he return my call. I know it's a desperate move but what can I do?! I was in the area and I know he's also just around the corner so I was really wishing he'd want to see me but alas... he seems to be trying to avoid me. Fine! If that's what he wants, then that's what I'll do. Avoid him and forget him. Out-of-sight, out-of-mind... I hope!

My friend marc kept telling me that some people live double lives and of all people, the fling is the least person he'd expect to be living one. Marc couldn't believe it when I shared with him what happened to us (fling and I). So our conclusion is that he's really a jerk and I should forget him. No more overanalysis of the situation. It's plain and simple that he's an a**hole so I should stay away from him.

Hayyyyy......

Oh before I forget, some updates about me...

- Drove from Phoenix to Vegas last Saturday morning (280mi in a record breaking less than 5 hours!)
- watched Phantom of the Opera in Venetian. Totally dressed-up to watch this show!
- Did lots of shopping
- First time to eat in an All-American diner
- Marc drove Kimi to LA last Sunday... was too lazy and tired to drive
- Went around Hollywood Avenue and Rodeo Drive
- Went around Sta. Clara beach
- Drove from LA back to Phoenix for 6hours... stopovers in between because I was so sleepy.
- Went to office after 10mins of staying at home to take a bath and change clothes... no time to rest! A very unproductive day at work!

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Hate is usually the projection of hurt

True. I think this is how things are if you like/love someone... everything he says and does becomes a big deal and is magnified. How can he be so insensitive? Or am I just overreacting? Hayyyy...

Hate is usually the projection of hurt. The problem is that a temporary hurt can become a permanent hate for the smallest and most insignificant reason. Too, hate is often projected toward those we know. Likewise, hating people we don't know is almost always illogical, irrational, and based more on opinion and hearsay than on fact. Once we choose not to love, we have closed off many of our options. In truth, we are forced into a locked position and our choice may hurt us as much as those we hate.
-- taken from some site i found

I hate the feeling of hating somebody... =(

Monday, February 11, 2008

That O word and Over-the-counter remedies

*** I have posted this same article a couple of years ago in the old blueginger blog. I am reposting it here because I think I can relate to it again.

Taken from www.peyups.com
Contributed by taas_kilay (Edited by mananalaysay)
Thursday, November 04, 2004 @ 12:00:44 AM

A close friend and held-at-gunpoint fan of my work for the past 6 years had a humorous epiphany in relation to this article in progress. He quipped that since I was very much into deriving pearls of wisdom from the unlikeliest of items, his little observation just be what I need for my article.
A new love, he says, that comes at the tail-end of a failed relationship can be any of three things: a band-aid (otherwise known as panakip-butas), ointment (think Tiger Balm, Omega, or Ben Gay), or a painkiller (Alaxan, Aaaaadvil, or Midol. Take your pick).

Flings, One-night-stands, FUBUs—are all short-term or short-lived so-called solutions to the problem at hand, otherwise known as band-aids. As you already know band-aids cover up a wound, keeping the bloody mess from plain view. And like they say; out of sight, out of mind. But if you really think about it, band-aids don’t really take away the pain. Of course they do keep the thing all neat and tidy on the surface while the wound continues to fester underneath.

Next thing you know, you’re lying on your back in the dark, staring at the ceiling, and the pain starts creeping in. Through the ache you wonder what the hell you are doing in some strange bed, who the hell you’re with, and why the heck you do it. Then you remember why and you groan inwardly. But what’s the point of it all if not to keep from hurting, right? Still there you are… in the dark. Hurting just as much (or perhaps even more) before you hooked up with the one snoring next to you.

Then there are those who are so great to be with, you simply forget about the pain. Let’s face it. The world is full of wonderful, lovable people who could be the next best thing that could happen to you, only you won’t let it because you’re too tangled up in your own hang-ups to notice. But in the event that you do allow yourself to have a bit of fun every now and then, they’re there, ready to wrestle a smile out of your gloomy disposition, fill your ears with phrases of encouragement, and inflate your ego with unadulterated adoration. Fortunately for you they don’t ask for much save for your being happy. They’re the bosom buddy, no. 1 fan, on-call lover rolled into one. They’re the balm to your wounded soul—if only for a few hours to a couple of months or until you finally get yourself together and let yourself love again... though not necessarily with them.

Lastly we come to the human versions of ibuprofen paracetamol. People proven to stop the pain before it stops you. And you go to great lengths to find them. It doesn’t matter that it’s only been a week since the break-up, all you know is that you’ve hit rock bottom and there’s no other way to go but up, right? Through sheer determination you might even be lucky enough to find someone. Suddenly life is beautiful once again. You’re overwhelmed, overjoyed, head-over-feet for someone again. You’re so happy, you can hardly remember whats-her-name or whats-his-face and why the heck you were so miserable in the first place. But then, every beginning has an ending. Yes, for a moment there he or she definitely took the pain away but then the effects wear off and you’re back to hurting all over again. What happens next? Should you go on another fervent hunt for “The One?” Take down the numbers of a prospect or two and call them in the morning?

Then again I’m just talking about if you manage to find someone to address your aches and pains.

But what if you don’t? What if, despite your efforts, there’s noone there?

What then?

* * *

I’ve learned that in the end you need three things to remedy a broken heart, ego, and soul. Time, distance, and yourself. As words come, those three aren’t so difficult to pronounce but it’s a hell of a lot to really apply. But anyone who’s had his or her heart broken before can tell you that if there are tried and tested elements into getting over someone, those would be it. It may sound a bit sanctimonious but if you even start looking to others for happiness and healing, then you will always do so. Old habits die hard. Believe me, I know.

How will you know when you’re finally okay? I can only speak from experience—when the titles of self-help books, particularly those that sound like “How to handle hurt” or “Love conquers all—even broken hearts” won’t catch your eye in a bookstore. When you can do things you used to do together and feel nostalgia and not nausea. When you can hear certain songs played on the radio you won’t feel even a slight twinge. Basically if your can go through your every day without sparing a thought to the pain you used to harbor because of the past and if you can honestly wonder about the person without plotting elaborate schemes of revenge or without having your vision suddenly going blurry with tears, then you’re on your way to recovery, if not already.

My unsolicited advice to those still in the process of getting over? Live. Just live. And when I say live, don’t just drift through the days like a ghost of your former self. Really live; and if you can, live it up—with friends, family members, loved ones, your dog, etc. Obviously his or her life didn’t stop for you, why then should you let yours?

And it always helps if you have a sense of humor.

Life's a Bitch

God must be playing games again with my life. Guess who's back in town? Yep... the jerk! He is my friend but he is a jerk! Of all people who will get stuck here in AZ, He chooses him. I know I've been a sinner and I've done bad things to other people, so this must be my karma. God must have been so mad at me... tsk, tsk, tsk.

I was already falling for him when we decided to stop whatever it was we were doing. It did hurt so bad. Now, I am trying to psyche myself that this is just one of those heartaches that I can easily get over with. It's all in the mind. Repeat after me... it's all in the mind!

On the lighter note, I'm going to Vegas again this weekend. Will be meeting up with my friends from LA. I hope it's not snowing anymore on my way to Vegas otherwise I will have to reconsider driving going there. According to google map, it's 5hours drive. Goodluck to me! The lazy driver is doing a roadtrip again for the sake of relieving homesickness and healing this heartache.

Thursday, February 07, 2008

Friendster Survey #22

1. Whats one thing thats heavily weighing on your mind?
- the dmv warning I got yesterday because of using a car with Texas license plate and not being able to register it here in AZ

2. what's one thing you've learned from a good friendship gone bad?
- it takes time to heal the wounds and it's so difficult to make all things go back to the way they were

3 . whats one thing you've learned lately from love?
- love is overrated

4 . is there anyone special in your life at the moment?
- i wanted to but seems like he's not interested

5. whats a happy time you've had in the past week/s?
- spending time with that special friend

6. how far would you go for love?
- i think i've done most of the stupid things you can think of because of loving someone so much

7. is there anything in your past that you'd like to do/try again?
- live in europe again

8. whats your favorite kind of weather?
- rainy

9. why is this?
- I just like it when it rains...

10. who do you like to spend your nights with?
- yes it's him... the special friend

11. are you an emotional person?
- sometimes I am

12. can you cry in front of others easily?
- not really

13. whats something that can always make you feel better?
- it's someone... my close friends

14 . what does love make you feel like?
- that warm, fuzzy feeling inside. giddy and perky. amazingly alert even with only 3hrs of sleep, it makes me feel like I need someone, always smiling for no good reason, extremely nice even in a bad day.

15. and losing love?
- i feel like a broken person, ego and pride is down below negative, extremely unhappy

16. are you self consciOUS?
- yeah, a bit

16. do you think of others before yourself?
- i believe so

17 . where do you see yourself some time next year?
- hopefully in living in CA

18. do you tend to make relationships complicated?
- I think I make my life complicated

19. do you think you'd be able to survive a whole year in jail?
- no!

20. who do you feel the most comfortable to go around?
- my friends

21 . is there something that you're waiting for? someone perhaps?
- yes, for that someone to fall in love with me

22. one thing you're looking forward to..
- going home to manila in September

23. how do you feel about change?
- change can be good or bad but I am very open to change... just have to figure out how to get on with my life because of it.

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

My Sun Doesn't Shine Without You

We talked... *while flirting with each other. hehe*

Boy: "bakit ka pumayag sa kin? bakit hindi si marc?"
Girl: "I dont know... Marc is like my brother. Incest yun pag ganun."
Boy: "so why me?"
Girl: "I really don't know"


I wanted to tell him the truth about how I am really feeling about him but I got my tongue tied. I was so scared to lose him if I put drama to whatever we have now. I wasn't ready to lose him even if I never really had him to begin with.

Boy: "so why me?"

...because you make me feel giddy and perky just hearing your voice and seeing a message from you
...because you make me smile so big that can tear my face
...because you give me butterflies in my stomach whenever you are around
...because you make me blush even if we're just chatting
...because your embrace makes me feel safe
...because I lose my rational side whenever I am with you

I was so tempted to say "i like you so much and I want to take the risk of loving you" while i was watching him sleep the other night. if he only knew... if he only knew... Hayyyy.... this is so depressing.

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Feeding My Ego

I just have to blog about this... I was talking to my client here in AZ who apparently is also my immediate superior here. She was relaying a conversation she had with her boss who is my big boss here. The conversation went something like this...

Big Boss: "You should give her (referring to me) something to work on."
Immediate Superior: "She's (referring to me again) just so good she finishes stuff fast."
Big Boss: "Then give her something else to work on... like Adobe forms!"
Immediate Superior: "But that's not Java and she's not an ABAPer!"
Big Boss: "Just give her something to do."

Wow. This is an ego booster! Hahaha. Since I work fast, I try to pace myself every single day. Partida, pacing pa yan ha! So now I allot 2 hours of my workday for multiply and lurking into other people's blogs. Hehe. Talk about getting paid for surfing.

Makes Me Wonder

Almost 3weeks of no blog update... wow! I was that busy? or should I say lazy? Haha. Too many things happened during the last 3weeks. I still feel that my life is so surreal. Amazingly, I have been crossing out some items in my i-should-have-this-at-25 and i-should-have-done-that-at-25 list. Even if I am 2years late with getting those things done, I think it's still a huge accomplishment especially that it's just been less than four months since I moved here.

So what have I been doing the past 3 weeks that I claim I was super busy? Here are the highlights...

- Two consecutive weekends, I was in California
- Drove with big boss 350miles from Phoenix to California
- Drove 350miles (more than 5hours!) again from Temecula, CA back to Phoenix... Alone!
- Bought my new toy GPS... a Garmin Nüvi 660. His name is Dad. Why Dad? He sounds like my pops when he's commanding me for directions. Hahaha.
- Moved to a 2-bedroom condo near Glendale Ave.
- Got another toy from big boss... He lent me his 2003 silver Lexus IS300 sportcross. I am so loving this car! Getting used to driving a luxury car is bad because I might never go back to driving a low-profile car anymore! hahaha. I named him Kimi... as in Kimi Raikkonen!
- Attended this year's Walk for Life rally in San Francisco with my friends and their SFC friends
- Met up again with the Navasca's in SFO for dinner. I miss them a lot!
- Went out with one of the twins in Sfo to have a drink. It wasn't a date! Well it looked like one but I don't want to give other meaning to our going out(just the two of us)...even if I wanted to! Haha.
- HH flew here in Phoenix last week and stayed at my place for a week
- Went to Sedona, AZ. Breathtaking view!
- The friend with benefits is back here in Phoenix for his work... Yes, there was a fourth time. Binabalik-balikan ako! Hahaha.

I guess the ultimate highlight of my life the past weeks was when HH and I broke up. welcome back to singlehood! That's the end of the almost 7years relationship with HH. It wasn't a bad break-up. Actually, we are still in very good terms and we are still friends. I guess we just have to start living our own lives away from each other instead of being a baggage to each other. It was a mutual decision and I think it was for the best. Our only worry right now is how to tell our families. It's inevitable that they will not be affected because it was a really long relationship. Oh btw, HH's parents are coming over to visit me next month. Maybe that's the perfect time to tell them about this break-up.

I am still trying to get used to this independent life. It's difficult but it's fun. So far, the fun part still overweighs the difficult part and I am enjoying it!